Advice From God

Dear God,

What is the most holy scripture of all?

- Jacob

Jacob,

The most holy scripture of all has never been written in a book, or on a scroll, or even on a scrap of parchment.

The most holy scripture is written in my own hand, and given that I am the size of the universe, it’s pretty big.

I like to use many different fonts in my holy scripture: Grass, blood, ocean waves, nebulas, electrons, and the conversations people have talking into their cell phones while walking down the sidewalk.

You can never hope to know even a millionth of a percent of this scripture, and if you think you understand a piece of it that you happen to run into, you’re only partially right, because the text is longer and deeper and thicker than you can imagine.

Your incurable ignorance of the scripture is the subject of an entire chapter. Be at peace with this, and be glad that I’ve got this blog to give you advice on how to cope with the consequences.

- God

Dear God

News has come out that one of my favorite religious authors, Neale Donald Walsch, has been caught plagiarizing the work of another writer, copying it word for word and claiming that he wrote it himself.

Now, some are claiming that this isn’t the first case of plagiarism involving Neale Donald Walsch. Some people are saying that you were involved in a plagiarism conspiracy with Walsch.
They’re saying that the Conversations With God books, in which Walsch claims to quote you, God, were actually all written by Walsch. They’re saying that you just took credit for Walsch’s words, and that he paid you off to keep you quiet.

Is it true, God? Is it true?

- Tanya

Tanya,

I am disappointed with you. Did you really think that I wouldn’t notice that you have plagiarized this question? I wrote this question myself a few hundred years ago, as part of a one act musical entitled Holy Scriptures!
Now, I have a piece of advice for you, Tanya. Neale Donald Walsch wrote it down in Conversations With God after I told him to: Make your life a gift and remember in all ways you are the gift.

If that doesn’t work, then okay, go ahead steal another writer’s words. Remember, they are the gift.

- God