Advice From God

Dear God,

You may have heard that we’ve had a gigantic oil spill here on Earth after the explosion of the offshore oil rig Deepwater Horizon. The resulting slick of oil is now larger than what resulted from the wreck of the Exxon Valdez.

I’m wondering if it’s still wise for Barack Obama to support the expansion of offshore drilling for oil along America’s coastline. Some people oppose it, while others continue to hold on to the idea of Drill Baby Drill.

What do you think, God? Should the USA continue to expand its offshore drilling operations?

- Edgar

Edgar,

On no account should offshore drilling for energy be stopped. I’m all for offshore drilling, just so long as it’s far, far offshore – something like 888 billion miles offshore.

Offshore drilling should take place in places like Titan, a moon of Saturn, with its many sources of energy such as frozen methane and hydrocarbon lakes. Titan is already uninhabitable for human beings, so little harm can be done there.

On Earth, it’s a different matter. Why people would want to drill for a vile, toxic fluid such as crude oil is beyond me. Is driving to the convenience store really so important? There’s a reason the stuff is called crude, you know.

- God