That’s My Congress reports that Senator Orrin Hatch got an independent of over $25,000 from the American College of Radiology after Hatch promoted legislation to protect radiologists from professional competition.
Do you count this as an example of political corruption?
- Mari
Mari,
Certainly, it is not an instance of corruption. In fact, it never happened.
You may have heard how, in order to lead sinful humans astray, Satan created the appearance of fossils that seem to suggest the development of life on earth through natural selection. Well, now the same thing has happened to Orrin Hatch. The Devil has, through his magical dark arts, placed the appearance of the payment of an independent expenditure to benefit Senator Hatch in the Federal Election Commission database.
It’s a sign of how very very holy Orrin hatch is. Only the most godly politicians would be attacked by demonic forces in this way.
- God
]]>What’s the best thing to do for a sprained ankle?
- Luigi
Luigi,
The best thing to do for a sprained ankle is to apply an ointment called Auntie Kilpa’s Sprain No More, and leave it overnight. The ointment is made by adding ammonia to an ooze found on the floor of a cave at the bottom of a methane ocean on a planet 187 light years from your solar system.
Given that it would take you two human lifetimes to reach the nearest place where Auntie Kilpa’s Sprain No More, even if you could attain the speed of light, I suggest that you put a bag of ice on your ankle, keep it elevated as much as possible, and hope for the best.
You could pray, but ankle prayers are among those I don’t answer.
- God
]]>God has decided to allow the human species to survive. However, this decision was not made out of compassion, but because God realizes that humans might one day be the source of a new generation of medications that could cure diseases like avian flu. God hates to see chickens with the sniffles.
]]>I was recently diagnosed with lung cancer. When I asked my oncologist what could be done, he just said, “Nothing.” I asked him how he knew there was nothing to be done, how he could give up without trying. He just shrugged his shoulders and walked out of the room. I had to get dressed and walk myself back out to the front office and pay for the visit without anything more than that.
What am I supposed to do now?
- Barry
Barry,
There is nothing that you’re supposed to do. You have stepped outside of the realm of supposition and social order. You have a fatal illness, and the medical profession appears to have abandoned you. As far as they’re concerned, you’re already dead.
You can go to another doctor, of course, and see if you’ll get another opinion. You might not get another opinion, however. You might just get another oncologist who gives you the same opinion, although it’s delivered in a less brutal form.
More fundamentally, you have to deal with the crisis that all people will have to deal with, although most people forget about it. You are going to die. Maybe you won’t die today, or tomorrow, or this week, or this year, but you will die eventually. There is no cure for mortality.
Why must it be this way? Well, actually it doesn’t have to be this way at all. Human beings could be immortal, if I chose to allow it. However, I chose to create people as mortal beings. That way, there would be more turnover, and more interesting plot developments in the soap operas.
Don’t blame your oncologist for it. Blame me.
- God
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