Advice From God

Dear God,

Are you any good at algebra? I only ask because it is all about unknowns, and what with you being omniscient, I guess they must be pretty unfamiliar to you.

-Joe

Dear Joe,

Well Joe, has it ever occurred to you that if unknowns were unfamiliar to me, there would be something I didn’t know? Nothing is unknown to me, including unknowns.

This is what distinguishes me from, say, Donald Rumsfeld, who knows that there are known unknowns and unknown unknowns, but has no knowledge of unknown unknowns other than the fact that they lend themselves poorly to war propaganda, but lend themselves quite well to half-assed excuses for killing tens of thousands of people he didn’t know he didn’t know he didn’t have to kill.

I am very good at algebra. In fact, I am far better at algebra than a mere mortal mind like yours could possibly comprehend. Here’s an example:

Let X = an unknown integer between 5 and 10.

What is the value of X? Well, it’s unknown. But I happen to know it’s 7.

See? I’m a math whiz, yo.

-God