Advice From God

Dear God,

Yesterday, U.S. Representative Marsha Blackburn declared of the health care reform legislation that was passed and sent on to be signed by the President, “We know the consequences of this bill will be frightening and horrible. Freedom dies a little bit today.”

I don’t understand. This is a health care bill. It provides people with access to medical care to prevent their illnesses from becoming worse. It helps people not to die.

How on earth can Representative Blackburn say that this bill kills freedom?

- Edna

Edna,

You have a very small view of freedom. What about the freedom to get sick and not be bothered by doctors?

Before, a person had the freedom to not go to the doctor, with the excuse of not having good health insurance. Well, what can that person say now? Now, they have to deal with their illness. They have to get better.

What if a person doesn’t want to be healthy? How can anyone who is given good health insurance ever be called truly free?

- God

Dear God,

I’m confused. I’m watching the debate in the Senate today about the FISA Amendments Act, which would make permanent the Protect America Act, which allows the Executive Branch of the federal government to conduct massive electronic spying operations against innocent Americans without any search warrant, any judicial review, or any meaningful congressional oversight.

The FISA Amendments Act also allow the government to access private customer information and accounts held by any corporation.

The FISA Amendments Act amounts to a coup d’etat by the Executive Branch against the Legislative and Judicial branches, and against the Constitution.

But, it occurs to me, as I watch this debate, that if you are really real, God, then this whole government spying thing ought to be completely unnecessary.

I mean, it’s totally weird that Christian leaders in government are asking for such extensive electronic espionage powers. If they really believe in you, God, why do they need spies and electronic spying networks?

If they’re worried about terrorists, or other threats, why don’t they just use the power of prayer? Really. Why don’t they just pray on it, if they’re really Christian believers?

Why don’t they just say, “God, please tell me if there is any terrorist group who is going to attack the United States this week.” Then, you could respond to the prayer, and tell the President and his Cabinet if there’s any violent fanatic they need to worry about.

It’s almost as if the President and all his top advisors don’t actually believe in the power of prayer, and just say that they do to earn political points by adopting a pious posture.

Am I wrong?

- Diane

Diane,

Yes, you certainly are wrong. Very, very wrong.

You know how all the dinosaur fossils were created by Satan just to tempt sinful scientists into believing in evolution? Well, this situation is the same. Satan has created the appearance of a logical gap in the White House’s call for massive new spying powers, in order to tempt you into not being a Republican.

What you must do is just ignore the logical gap in the White House’s policies, and believe with all your heart that everything that George W. Bush asks for is honest and good. That’s the only way to avoid Satan’s trap.

Let the government spy on you, or you will go to Hell.
- God