Advice From God

Dear God,

My attention was caught by a recent speech made by Congressman John Shimkus. Representative Shimkus said that he didn’t think that it was possible that there could be any global warming caused by human activity, because the Bible says that you, God, made the promise to Noah not to try to harm people with warmer weather or by flooding anything.

Shimkus said that he would base his ideas about global warming not on science, but on the Bible, because the Bible is your word, and your word is unchanging. Is it true, God? Is your word unchanging?

- Lorelei

Lorelei,

No, it is not true that my word is unchanging. I change the Word of God every day, as a matter of fact.

Today, for example, the Word of God is blueberry. Yesterday, the Word of God was unforseen. Tomorrow, well, you’ll just have to wait and see.

- God

Dear God,

Where did you go? I came to Advice From God earlier today, and found nothing but a blank screen of blue. Now I see that this divine advice column has changed, adopting a new look.

My religious faith is rocked to the core. I thought that you were supposed to be eternal, and unchanging, God. How could you have gone away? How could you have changed your look?

- Louie

Louie,

I may be eternal, but I am also omnipotent.

If I don’t have the power to update my look, then I am not omnipotent. If I don’t have the power to go away for a while and no longer exist, then I am not omnipotent.

Also, you need to reconsider your idea that I am just one thing. After all, if I don’t have the power to be two-faced, then I am not omnipotent.

Expand your mind, Louie. Also, try to have some patience as I get all the Advice From God features back up. Creation of the Earth took me eight days, after all…

… and just wait until I tell you about that eighth day.

- God