Advice From God

Dear God,

Although I am 32 years old, I am new to the kitchen, having gone out to eat at restaurants for most of my life. I am just now learning to bake, and have gotten my first can of baking powder ever.

Something about this baking powder confuses me, however. It says on the package that it is “double acting”. Does that mean that I should use half of what a recipe calls for, when I use this baking powder?

- Darnice

Darnice,

Congratulations on your foray into the kitchen.

No, you should not use half the amount of double acting baking powder. Use the same amount as you would if you were using plain old baking powder.
The phrase “double acting” does not refer to any kind of extra power to make cookies rise in the oven. Instead, double acting baking powder actually has a second function – a sacred function.

Not only does double acting baking powder help delicious deserts get all puffy in the oven, but it also serves as an excellent agent for casting out demons. When you don’t have any holy water handy, and demons are pestering you and preventing you from making the evening meal with their infernal hijinks, get out your double acting baking powder and throw it around your kitchen.

If you don’t believe me, I suggest that you look at the packaging for your baking powder. The FDA requires that all double acting baking powder be packaged with the following advisory: Double Acting Baking Powder uses a variety of antidemonic leavening agents in combination with the pulverized bones of the saints. Do not put in the microwave, as hellfire may ensue.

- God