Advice From God

Dear God,

Yesterday, Pope Benedict XVI said that the legends of Jesus were your final revelation to humanity, and that now you’re done revealing anything to anyone.

Why, God? Why are you shutting yourself away, refusing to take any phone calls, not beginning any new projects?

You’re kind of turning out like Corey Haim, trapped in your own cosmic Canada without any visa to re-enter the land of the living. What’s going on?

- Paulie

Paulie,

You’re closer to the truth than you know. The truth is that I’m hooked on a sort of prescription drug. It’s called prayer.

All day long, I just lounge about on one of those comfy, puffy clouds, listening to people praise me, and ask me for favors, as if I’m responsible for all of the good things that happen on Earth, and not responsible for any of the bad things. You have no idea what a rush it is.

You may say that I’ve gotten lazy, that I was just a child star who only did any work of value back in my early days, but why should I lift a finger to create any more good works? Haven’t I don’t enough? Don’t I enjoy an eternity of praise? Aren’t I that wonderful?

- God