Advice From God

Dear God,

Yesterday, Congressman Walter Jones stood in front of the House of Representatives and announced his intention to place the future of the United States of America in your hands. He said, ” I will ask God to give strength, wisdom and courage to President Obama that he will do what is right in the eyes of God. And three times I will say, God, please, God, please, God, please, continue to bless America.”

Will you do it, God? Will you continue to bless America?

- Gregory

Gregory,

To tell the truth, I’ve never blessed America before, because no one has ever asked three times before. I have my standards, you know.

Because Congressman Jones has asked me politely, three times, saying “please”, I have decided to finally bless America. I will bless America with an especially abundant crop of artichokes.

Letters of gratitude may be addressed to me, 1437 Mysterious Way, Firmament, Cosmos 97589.

- God

Dear God,

I’m confused by an opinion poll commissioned by the TV show Religion and Ethics NewsWeekly. The poll finds that a majority of Americans believe that the United States of America has a special superior blessing from you, God. Yet, the same poll finds that an even higher majority of Americans believes that the United States often does more harm than good in the world.

That means that at least half of Americans believe that you, God, have blessed the USA to be the best nation on earth, and yet the USA messes up a lot of the time.

How is this possible?

- Everett

Everett,

Your puzzlement is caused by a fundamental misunderstanding. You believe that the blessing of God will lead people to make wise judgments in life. That’s an arrogant presumption. Wisdom is a quality of God, not of human being. The truly God-loving people of the earth have the integrity not to be wise.

Besides, how is anyone ever going to get to heaven without making lots of mistakes? You have to be forgiven to get to heaven, not right. I bless the United States with messing up a lot, so that Americans will have a lot more opportunities to ask me for forgiveness, and then go to heaven.

Don’t think about it Everett. Just trust me, and embrace the divinely-inspired mishaps of life.

-God