Advice From God

Dear God,

I am planning to run for a seat in the U.S. House of Representatives next year, as an independent candidate. What are the steps that I can take to guarantee my victory?

- Jim

Jim,

1. Make sure that you are legally qualified for office. Are you a citizen? Are you above the minimum age?
2. Get all your petitions signed and turned in on time.
3. Make sure all your required campaign forms are filed correctly.
4. Meet with reporters from all local newspapers. Build friendships with them.
5. After the date for candidates to enter the race has ended, murder all your opponents. Don’t get caught.

Good luck with your campaign, Jim.

- God

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