Dear God,

I try to follow your instructions for life. I really do, but sometimes the way of God is just plain confusing.

For example, in the book of Exodus, you command,

“Thou shalt make the robe of the ephod all of blue, and there shall be a hole in the top of it, in the midst thereof: it shall have a binding of woven work round about the hole of it, as it were the hole of an habergeon, that it be not rent, and beneath upon the hem of it thou shalt make pomegranates of blue, and of purple, and of scarlet, round about the hem thereof.”

Huh? God, you need to get a technical writer, okay?

First of all, I have never met an ephod in all of my life. Secondly what is a habergeon? Is it something I would want my mother to see me with?

I looked “habergeon” up in the dictionary, but that was no help. The dictionary said that a habergeon is a hauberk.

Also, how am I supposed to make pieces of fruit in different colors around the hem of a robe? Is this supposed to be like some kind of naturopathic remedy for people like myself who have difficulty getting up in the morning?

- Betty

Betty,

I apologize for the difficulty of that particular passage of instructions. The reason that it is so confusing is that the passage you refer to is actually a first draft of a users manual for Microsoft Windows XP.

An “ephod” is an package of virus protection software, and a “habergeon” is customer service. “Pomegranate” is the code name of the installation protocols.

You’ve got to remember that the Bible is not meant to be interpreted literally.

- God

This entry was posted on Tuesday, February 19th, 2008 at 9:58 pm and is filed under All God's Advice, Science and technology, Scripture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.