How Can I Deal With My Obsessive Thoughts About Work?
Wednesday, January 30th, 2008Dear God,
I’ve got a young family, but I’m not feeling very young myself any more. I’m in my mid-thirties, and I’m struggling to keep support my family. Every time I seem to get ahead, something comes along that knocks me back two steps. We’re on the edge financially, and have used up all the resources we have to keep going, paying the bills.
It’s gotten so bad now that I spend most nights awake, thinking about how we’re going to get through it. I just lie in bed, looking at the dark ceiling, thinking about my last day at work.
I feel vulnerable at work, you see, because I really need my job. That makes me hate it all the more. Every moment I’m at work, I feel trapped. The things I should be enjoying about my job, the things that brought me to the job in the first place, now feel like drudgery, just rote activities I go through just to bring a few dollars home. I’m stressed out and tired, and so I know that I’m not doing my job as well as I used to.
Then, at night, I can’t stop thinking about all the mistakes I’ve made at work, all the little things that are adding up that make me afraid that I’ll be fired. I think about how stupid I’ve been to bring my job into jeopardy, and then at the same time I wish I could be successful enough to leave my job behind.
It’s a cycle that’s taking me down. How can I stop it?
- Leo
Leo,
My son Jesus once was giving an executive seminar to some people who are like you, and he said to them, “Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work, but even Solomon [a prominent CEO] was never dressed so finely. So, if these little plants in the field can live it up in such luxury without working, don’t you think that you’ll be prosperous enough? Don’t worry about your work, and all the things that you need to get done. Just live right, and everything will work out in the end. Just worry about today and don’t think about tomorrow.”
The thing about executive seminars, though, is that they’re selective in the information they give you. People who run seminars just want everything to go smoothly so that they can grab their fee and then skip town before anyone realizes they’ve been had.
You know what happened to the lilies in that field? There was an ice storm later that same day, and they were all killed.
So, you see what comes from not toiling?
Jesus always wanted to be a flower. He was always angry with me for making him a human being, and when he gave that lecture, he was venting some of his anger.
You’re not a lily of the field that just scatters its seeds and lets them fend for themselves. You can’t just sit around photosynthesizing food. You need to gather resources to provide for your family. You’re an intelligent animal with hopes and terrors, not some brainless plant.
So, the only way for your to overcome your anxiety is to get yourself together and get back to work. If you wake up in the middle of the night worrying, don’t lay there, still and helpless like a wilting vegetable. Get up, go downstairs to the kitchen table, and do a little bit of work for your job to prepare for the coming day until you’re tired enough to fall asleep again. Or, you might use that time to develop a plan for working for yourself, instead of for somebody else.
Anxiety is useful, but only if it leads you to do something that makes things better. Otherwise, you’re just being an anxious lily, and when that ice storm comes, you’ll freeze like the rest of the lilies - and your family will freeze to death too.
- God