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How Can I Heat My Home Without Destroying It?

12 December 2007 dans All God's Advice, Household Advice RSS 2.0.

Dear God,

For an omniscient being, you’re really dense. I want to heat my home efficiently without destroying it.

How can I do that?

- Fern

Fern,

I am all powerful as well as all knowing. I can be infinitely dense as well as infinitely sparse. In fact, I can be both at the same time. Don’t blame your problems in asking good questions on me.

Your problem is that you want two things that are mutually inconsistent. I don’t think that you can argue with me that burning your home down is a very efficient way to heat it. The process actually converts the latent energy in your home into heat. I think that fits nicely into the motto, “reduce, reuse, recycle”.

I could tell you to get double pane windows, or to install a new heating system that relies on worm composting in your basement with thermostats in every room, but the truth is that, compared to burning your house down, these really are very inefficient forms of heating. I would feel dishonest in telling you otherwise.

Sometimes, when you ask God a question, the answer is: “What a stupid question!”

- God

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 12th, 2007 at 8:36 am and is filed under All God's Advice, Household Advice. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

One Response to “How Can I Heat My Home Without Destroying It?”

  • 34333. Iroquois 13 December 2007 at 3:33 pm

    I think you are forgetting that humans are not omnipresent.

    So in order to get gasoline we have to leave home, during which time the fire would go out. Also we are not able to create, so when we need money we have to go work. Again, not being omnipresent, we cannot be at work and pouring gasoline on a fire at the same time. So the fire would go out.

    Also humans need time for maintenance–eating and sleeping. If they are always pouring gasoline on a fire, they have no way to maintain themselves and will expire very quickly.

    This last item is perhaps minor, but an obstacle nonetheless. Many municipalities have burning ordinances that prohibit open fires within the city limits. If someone misunderstands the situation and calls the fire department, the person who started the fire could end up paying a big fine.

    The solution is obvious. You need to make humans omnipotent, omnipresent and able to create. Then you won’t have people pestering you with this type of question and you won’t have to remember exactly what it is humans can do.

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