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I Can’t Finish Raking The Leaves, God!

19 November 2007 dans All God's Advice, Demonic Forces, Household Advice, Cartoon Video RSS 2.0.

Dear God,

My parents have said that I can’t have any free time after school until I finish raking all the leaves. The trouble is that some of the leaves are still on the trees, and in two days, we’re supposed to get a big snowstorm. After that, I may never have the chance to rake those leaves - at least not until the snow melts in March.

I’m worried that I can’t possibly get all those leaves raked, and then I’ll have to spend the whole winter without any free time. What can I possibly do?

- Lucy

Lucy,

Clearly, you have been cursed by a demon. In the book of Psalms, it says of the blessed man, “He shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that brings forth his fruit in his season. His leaf also shall not wither, and whatsoever he does shall prosper.”

Take a look at your situation. Your leaves are withering, and your chore of raking the leaves is definitely not prosperous work. You’ve got a diabolical possession on your hands. It’s in your rake, I suspect. The demon’s name is Chauncey, and he’s a pesky little gremlin, loving to make a mess as fast as you can clean it up.

Not all is lost. There is a reason for everything, even for Britney Spears dropping her baby on its head.

Did you know that the Hindus wrote their sacred texts on the backs of palm leaves?

There’s an opportunity for you in this curse. You could become a prophet. Forget about free time. Start living in sacred time. Start writing on the backs of those leaves now, and by springtime, you will have your very own genuine sacred text.

I’ll give you a good opening line to start with: “It has been said of the universe that a cat in a tree is no stranger to the temptations of the ground.”

You take it from there.

- God

god rakes falling leaves

This entry was posted on Monday, November 19th, 2007 at 12:40 pm and is filed under All God's Advice, Demonic Forces, Household Advice, Cartoon Video. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

One Response to “I Can’t Finish Raking The Leaves, God!”

  • 33639. Iroquois 30 November 2007 at 10:35 am

    Now that NaNoWriMo is coming to an end, many people find they have not been able to finish their novels. If Lucy is still trying to fill up those leaves with words, it may be time to have a talk about composting.

    The first thing to do is identify the leaves in your yard and see if they are worthy of composting. Specifically, you have to make sure none of them is a sycamore. It’s leaves are toxic to gardens. Ordinaryr leaves like maple will compost just fine. Then you take a lawnmower with a bag attachment and mow the lawn. The leaves will get shredded and you can empty the bag in your compost pit.

    A compost pit 4′X4′ will generate enough heat to kill weed seeds and should compost completely within a season. If you are lo-tech and have a smaller pit, don’t let anyone laugh at you or make jokes about digging graves for the neighbors’ pets. Just tell them you will make it bigger so they will be able to fit in it. Don’t listen to them, just put your compost in there. Be sure to add dirt on top to provide plenty of bacteria in there for the decomposing process, and water it to speed things along. In one season this produces nice black soil for me. I do add a fertilizer with nitrogen, especially if I grow tomatoes,.since the composting process is continuing invisibly and ties up nitrogen until the whole thing is finished.

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