God, How Do I Get Rid of My Clutter?
7 November 2007 dans All God's Advice, Household Advice
Dear God,
I used to think of myself as just frugal, and maybe a bit of an eccentric pack rat. Now, I have to admit that I have a real problem. I am a compulsive hoarder. I just can’t help myself from keeping everything that I think I might eventually have to use, if there was an emergency, or some other sort of unanticipated need.
I have one room in the back of my house that is full of things, all the way from the floor to the ceiling. They’re in loose piles, in Rubbermaid tubs, in boxes, and in bags. The whole thing looks like it could fall over at any moment.
The worst part is that it’s my office. That’s where I’m supposed to get things done.
God, help me. How can I get rid of the clutter?
- Gertie
Gertie,
You’re not the only one who has this problem. I’m a compulsive hoarder too. Just go out at night and look up. I could have just had one star, or maybe a dozen, but no, not me. For me, as my friend Carl Sagan once told me, it’s got to be billions and billions. I’ve got billions of galaxies, billions of nebulas, billions of neutron stars, and even more planets and sentient beings on those planets, and closets that those sentient beings have filled up with things.
Every now and then, when I can’t take it any more, I have to wipe one of my planets clean. I did that a while ago on Earth, actually.
You should do what I did. Take just two of every item that you can’t bear to live without, and put them in a box. Put that box up on a top shelf. You just get one box, so be selective.
Then, bring a hose inside and turn it on. Leave it for a while. With the Earth, it took about 40 days and 40 nights for the water to get high enough. For your office, 40 hours should do the trick.
When the water is almost up to the shelf where you put that box, go outside and open a window. All the junk you don’t want will come flooding out, and then you’ll be able to repopulate your room with what you put in the box.
- God