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How Can I Get My Pet Stray Cat Home?

6 November 2007 dans All God's Advice, Odd Mysteries, Fashion, Cartoon Video RSS 2.0.

Dear God,

Two weeks ago, I took in a stray cat, and gave her everything that she needed. I gave her medical care, and as much food and water as she wanted to eat or drink. I haven’t seen her since Friday. God, I think that something may have gotten her, perhaps a fox or coyote. I ask, God, that you put a circle of protection around her.

How can I find my cat again?

- Callie

Callie,

I’m a little confused about this. If the cat has been eaten by a fox or a coyote, why do you want me to put a circle of protection around her? Are you concerned about the digestive health of the animal that ate her? That’s very compassionate.

Some people, who don’t understand the ways of me, the Heavenly Father, say that if you want to find your cat, you should pray on it. That’s not really how I work.

What you should do is knit on it. Have you ever heard about the power of knitting? It’s like the power of prayer, but stronger, especially if you use small needles and natural fiber.

A lot of people have trouble with the idea that they can find something just by knitting, but if you think about it, it’s really not that much harder to believe than the idea that you can find something by praying about it. I mean, sure, it sounds kind of silly to sit at home and make a sweater, or a nice scarf, or a pair of socks, when the cat you’re looking for is somewhere outside, but sitting at home and talking into the air about what you want isn’t so much less silly, is it?

If you have faith in me, knit on it. Of course, sometimes the answer to a knitting is no.

If that’s not good enough for you, and you want to go out and try to find your cat on your own, then I suggest that look for fox or coyote droppings with little bits of cat hair in them. Just a hint.

Best of luck!

- God

god cartoon cat letter advice knitting

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 6th, 2007 at 4:49 pm and is filed under All God's Advice, Odd Mysteries, Fashion, Cartoon Video. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

3 Responses to “How Can I Get My Pet Stray Cat Home?”

  • 31869. Iroquois 7 November 2007 at 12:40 am

    Oh, dear lord, that was terrible advice. Have you never lost a pet? Didn’t you used to have a unicorn?

    If this cat strayed into this person’s life it obviously belonged to someone else. If it need medical care it was obviously too sick to get home by itself. So it rested up until it felt better, then it went home. Probably has some little kids and stuff that missed it and were real happy to see it again. Maybe the cat will be back for a visit some day, but sometimes this time of year they sort of go into heat and get confused for a little while.

  • 31906. God 7 November 2007 at 8:58 am

    Well, see, Iroquois, you’re guessing. Probably and maybe, you say. I’m God. I’m omniscient. I know.

    That cat was not just lost. It was lost.

    Besides, I told her she could knit on it. That’s the most powerful magic there is.

    Or, do you question the word of God?

    Bringing up the unicorn is a touchy subject. Yes, I used to have a unicorn, but it started engaging in violent behavior against neighborhood children, and had to be put to sleep.

    You just hurt God’s feelings. Watch out.

  • 31986. Iroquois 8 November 2007 at 1:06 am

    No, the neighborhood children hurt your feelings by pissing off your unicorn. The children probably deserved whatever happened to them. But of course even God can’t say that to the little darlings’ parents. You should have just moved. Parents like that don’t make good neighbors.

    I’m just saying when it comes to pets, you need to explain things more gently. I’m just saying.

    The knitting more than makes up for it.

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