Dear God,

The Bible, in the Book of Proverbs, teaches us that it is the Word of God that:

“A naughty person, a wicked man, walketh with a froward mouth. He winketh with his eyes, he speaketh with his feet, he teacheth with his fingers; frowardness is in his heart, he deviseth mischief continually;he soweth discord. Therefore shall his calamity come suddenly, suddenly shall he be broken without remedy.”

What’s so bad about winking that you’re going to punish anyone who winks with sudden calamity? What’s the big deal?

- Wilma

Wilma,

You’ve heard the story about how every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings, right? Well, every time a person winks, a Buddhist attains Nirvana.

I don’t mind admitting that I’m competitive. That smug Siddhartha Guatama just sat there under a tree, defying every temptation or threat I could send his way, meditating, thinking, on and on. End suffering, he said, but did he ever think about my suffering? No!

I will have no other gods before me, nor will I have snotty little gurus who are just acting out against their fathers, and trying to act cool by pouting under trees.

- God

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 31st, 2007 at 6:02 pm and is filed under All God's Advice, Divine Rivals. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.