563 B.C.E. is known as God’s lost year. In 564 B.C.E., God was experimenting with the creation of a new kind of mushroom, and that’s the last thing that he remembers until about 15 months later, when he found himself on an island in the Seychelles, wearing nothing but a pair of purple sandals, sitting next to a hippopotamus, with a rash on his elbow.

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