God and Paperwork
25 October 2007 dans All God's Advice, Professional Help
Dear God,
When you run an organisation as large as the universe, it must generate an awful lot of paperwork. How do you cope with it all?
- Joe
Joe,
It helps that I own all the paper there ever has been, and all the paper there ever will be. I also am the creator of secretaries, and Lord of the Stapler, Office Manager of Office Managers. Behold my mimeograph and fear me!
Practically speaking, I do what all chief executive officers do: I assign all the boring details to middle management. As ruler of the universe, my middle managers are the angels.
Take, for example, the case of Jacob. Here this homeless guy is, blocking the stairway to heaven because he can’t find anywhere else to sleep. Now, was I about to go down and take care of the bum myself? No. I sent one of my angels. The guy wouldn’t move, of course, so the angel had to spend the whole night wrestling around with him, just to get him off my property. Well, finally, Jacob got pretty irrational. He was foaming at the mouth, muttering, “I want your blessing, I want your blessing!” I had one of my courier angels send a memo to the angel wrestling with Jacob, saying, you can’t reason with this man. Just say he’s got a blessing, and then he’ll leave you alone and go off and bother someone else.
So, you see, sometimes I have to step in and make an executive decision, but I find that, when it comes to filing the forms necessary to swallow a planet full of peace-loving beings up in black hole, I let the angel in residence take care of the particulars.
I find it quite amusing, actually, that there is a big industry of little artifacts that people collect, statues, glass figurines, black velvet paintings and the like, that depict angels. These people are devoted to middle managers, the divine equivalents of the deputy assistant to the Vice President of the marketing department. I guess no one ever told them that angels work in cubicles.
- God