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Little Facts About God: How God Likes His Coffee

24 October 2007 dans Facts About God RSS 2.0.

Editor’s Note:

God has noticed that a lot of people are trying to get to know him, but are using some very odd techniques, like prayer or reading very old books, in order to try to do so. To cut through these indirect methods, God has instructed me to take dictation from time to time, as he relates the smaller details of his infinite life that most people have never heard about.

We’ll be sharing these little facts about God here from time to time, so that you can get to know the God better as he really is, not as the unauthorized biographers of the world have described him.

Here’s our first installment in these little facts about God:

How God Likes His Coffee

God likes his coffee with a shot of hazelnut syrup, two tablespoons of whole, organic milk, and a packet of Splenda (he’s trying to watch out for that expanding universe which is often the consequence of being lord of all you survey). God prefers to drink his coffee in a special ceramic mug he picked up as a tourist in Peru, shaped like a pyramid, with a narrow top and a wide base that keeps the coffee nice and hot.

As the inventor of the original instant coffee (As soon as he wants it, poof! It’s there.) God harbors a deep resentment of Taster’s Choice.

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 24th, 2007 at 9:37 pm and is filed under Facts About God. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

3 Responses to “Little Facts About God: How God Likes His Coffee”

  • 31783. Iroquois Purple Dingo 5 November 2007 at 9:25 pm

    If God is finicky enough to choose Splenda, then settle for whole milk, it’s sort of like locking the barn door after the horse escapes. Does God read the fat content on the milk labels? Even 2% milk has unacceptable fat levels– some cardiac resources recommend 1% or even skim if you can drink it without gagging. May I recommend soy milk products? They have all those healthy whatchamacallits, and the chocolate and vanilla versions do quite nicely in coffee. And once you get all that sleep-producing tryptophan that’s in milk out of your morning beverage, you can even go for decaf. But of course never, never Taster’s Choice.

    You might also find that tea can be absolutely divine.

  • 31785. God 5 November 2007 at 9:41 pm

    Iroquois,

    I am above all contradictions. I am both fat and lean, diet and snack food. I am both gagging and swallowing. I am that I am, and I am that I am not.

    So, I’ll have my whole milk.

    Besides, some medical studies indicate that too much soy can make men grow breasts. I don’t think my flowing robes would fit very well with those.

  • 31792. Iroquois 6 November 2007 at 12:53 am

    OMG, I wonder if that’s why I can’t sleep on my stomach anymore.

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