Dear God,

I know that they say that you wrote the Bible, but there’s something about it that strikes me as rather curious, if indeed you are the author.

I notice that there isn’t anything revealed in the Bible that the people of the time didn’t already know. There is no mention of anything that actually would happen in the future, other than vague mumbled symbolic prophecies that don’t make any sense. There is also no mention of any place beyond the physical region known to the people at the time - no mention of kangaroos in Australia. Finally, there is no advance in scientific knowledge given by you with your supposed Holy Word in the Bible.

Why didn’t you let the Israelites know about antibiotics, or about how to get aspirin from the bark of willow trees, or something useful like that? Why isn’t any information that would have been historically outside of the knowledge of the local people of the times given, when you in your omniscience surely already knew it?

- Louise

Louise,

Actually, I am writing the Bible now, as a piece of historical fiction and New Age motivational literature. People who say that the Bible was written two thousand years ago just don’t know what they’re talking about. The Bible, first edition hardback, is actually due to be released in early 2008.

There will be a retroactive release, through my unlimited power over space and time, of certain books of the Bible, one at a time, at different times back in the Middle East. I’m hoping that this promotional strategy will generate some buzz and improve sales. I’ve got a few galaxies that I built last year using high interest loans, and I need to pay them off fast.

What you need to realize about the Bible is that it’s a work of historical fiction. For readers of historical fiction, it’s very important that there are not any references to objects or ideas that would not have been known at the time. If I had written a line mentioning a microwave oven to characters like Moses, it would have ruined the credibility of the story, and made the reader’s suspension of disbelief a great deal more challenging.

- God

This entry was posted on Thursday, October 18th, 2007 at 10:23 am and is filed under All God's Advice, Science and technology, Scripture. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.