Dear God,

I recently saw this bumper sticker on a car. It says, “I love Jesus more than you do”

Is this possible? Could somebody really love Jesus more than I do? I’ve been working so hard to love Jesus as much as I can, but it’s hard to know where I stand in Jesus’s heart. Jesus isn’t the kind of man who lets you know how he’s feeling. No matter what I do or say, Jesus remains silent and absent.

So, please, God, be honest with me. Who loves Jesus the most?

- Libby

Libby,

I’m sorry to say that you don’t stand a chance in Jesus’s heart.

Frigg, that nordic slut of a goddess, has always has the hots for Jesus. She loves Jesus more than anybody else, and Jesus only has eyes for her.

Oh, it doesn’t matter that Frigg is already married to Odin. I’ve told Jesus over and over again that Frigg will never leave Odin for him, but Jesus always says that he doesn’t know how a god with only one eye can really satisfy a goddess like Frigg.

I’m telling you, Frigg is bad news. Not only is she robbing the cradle, but she keeps too many secrets. Legend says that she knows the destiny of everyone, even my destiny, but she won’t tell anyone what that destiny is, the little tease.

I know that this isn’t easy for you to hear, Libby, but I suggest that you move on. There’s no sense keeping a torch burning for Jesus. He’s just not ready to let go right now.

- God

This entry was posted on Monday, May 21st, 2007 at 2:37 pm and is filed under All God's Advice, Family Life, Divine Rivals. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.