What’s wrong with conventionally grown food?
10 May 2007 dans All God's Advice, Demonic Forces, Household Advice
Dear God,
I keep on hearing about organic food. My friends say that I should “go organic”, and when I go to the store, I see organic strawberries, organic bananas, organic breakfast cereal, even organic tea.
I have to admit that I just don’t get it. What’s so wrong with food grown the old-fashioned way, with lots of pesticides and herbicides sprayed on them by conscientious farmers?
- Larry
Larry,
You obviously never went to catechism. The Book of Job tells the story of the fallen angel, Miraklogro. The archangel Miraklogro made the mistake long ago of criticizing the way that I had designed the plants of the earth. The grass didn’t grow thick and uniform enough, and it got brown in dry weather, he said. The flowers I designed weren’t big enough. The tomato plant only gave fist-sized fruit, he complained, when it could really be much, much bigger.
One day, I was listening to Miraklogro complain that the leaves of a certain species of ivy were too prone to unsightly spots, and he actually said that I ought to give up the job of being god for the plant world over to him. That was too much for me to bear, so I condemned him to walk the Earth forever, able only to eat processed foods.
What I didn’t anticipate is that Miraklogro actually liked his new assignment. He joined the forces of Satan and invented pesticides and herbicides that he said would make my creation better. He never forgave me for slapping him down when he got uppity, though. So, uttered a curse that whenever food is grown without pesticides or herbicides, people will be tempted to make it into unappealing dishes like tabouli, and take it to dinner parties to place on the buffet next to the chocolate brownies.
Will you eat organic food, and side with me, or that prepackaged conventional food, and side with the fallen angel Miraklogro? Actually, those powdered doughnuts do look pretty good.
- God