Dear God,

I have a Wiccan friend, and she tells me that Easter, which I celebrate as a Christian holiday, is really just a recycled festival for the worship of the pre-Christian goddess Ishtar, from whose other name, Ostara, words like estrous come from, refering to the fertile female power. She also points out that the East in Easter refers to Venus, the morning star and goddess Aphrodite.

I’m confused. Where does Jesus fit into all this?

- Edgar

Edgar,

Never fear. Jesus is at the heart of Easter, just as your preachers have always told you. The true origin of the holiday of Easter, however, has never been told to you before.

Jesus hates it when I talk about this, but the truth is that he was a rather husky boy, thick around the middle. He liked his mother’s honey cakes a little too much. The family gave Jesus the nickname “Eater” as a result.

Jesus’s little brother, Ernie, was just two years old when he heard his siblings calling Jesus “Eater”. He joined in, but because he was very young, mispronounced it, “Easter”. The change stuck, and even when Jesus got to be an adult and lost some weight, everybody still called him Easter.

Jesus never really lost his appreciation for food, however. After he was reborn in the spirit after the crucifixion, his first words were “Could someone bring me some olives and cheese?”

- God

This entry was posted on Monday, April 16th, 2007 at 2:22 am and is filed under All God's Advice, Family Life, Divine Rivals. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.