Dear God,

What do you make of this year’s Superbowl contest between the Chicago Bears and the Indianapolis Colts?

Which team should I bet for?

- Mike

Mike,

As we all know, the Super Bowl is very important. Which team wins the Super Bowl determines the fortunes of countless people for the whole next year. Will there be plagues of locusts in Central Asia? Will the salmon runs be strong in the Pacific Northwest? Will Microsoft’s new operating system work? It all depends on which team wins.

The game is essentially an embodiment in sports of a battle between cosmic forces. The Chicago Bears represent the power of corporations to buy startup companies in order to profit from their innovations. If the Bears win, expect pharmaceutical companies to do well. The Indianapolis Colts, on the other hand, represent the hybridization of European pagan traditions with totemic spiritual systems from North America. If the Colts win, it will be a good year for books written by the neopagan guru Starhawk.

As for betting, well, it’s a little bit late to bet on the outcome of the Superbowl, but if you must place a sports bet today, do what I did just this morning. Bet that the Indianapolis Colts will suffer from a locker room orgy sex scandal before October of 2007.

- God

This entry was posted on Sunday, February 4th, 2007 at 9:29 pm and is filed under All God's Advice, In the News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.