Dear God,

My best friend is about to join the military. He says he wants to be a marine. He says that it’s a path of honor and duty.

I worry that he’ll just get sent off to die in Iraq or Afghanistan, as part of this never-ending War on Terror. I don’t know what they’re fighting over there, but it isn’t terror. I worry that he’s just going to get used, and shot to hell, and come back a wreck or a corpse.

How do I convince him that he ought to stay away from the military?

- Dakota

Dakota,

Rational argument won’t do. You can point out that the marines do many things that aren’t at all honorable, like the massacre at Haditha. You can point out that no one over in Iraq or Afghanistan really knows what their duty is, anyway. It won’t make a difference. It won’t make him change his mind.

Tell your friend that if he becomes a marine, the military will become his new mommy. Military mommy will tell your friend what to do. Military mommy will tell your friend what clothes to wear. Military mommy will tell your friend what food to eat. Military mommy will set your friend up in a bunk bed in a room that you will share with some friends that military mommy will pick out for him.

Good luck. Nothing’s for sure, you know. He just might say semper fi and ignore anything you say.

- God

This entry was posted on Wednesday, January 24th, 2007 at 9:35 am and is filed under All God's Advice, In the News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.