God Speaks On the Origin Of Bellbottoms
9 January 2007 dans All God's Advice, Fashion
Dear God,
I can’t believe you’re giving advice on bellbottoms! After that whole “creafting” phase you went through where you cut off those Grateful Dead vintage bellbottoms to make your emergency rain gear pop up denim hats. Come on, man! Bell bottoms only look good in old Beatles videos or on Elton John. And I mean 1976 Elton, not “just float me over to the deli counter” Elton.
- Christopher
Christopher,
What a person chooses to believe about me is his own business. Are you really saying that I, God, the creator and all-knowing ruler of the universe, am not qualified to give advice on bellbottoms? What else do I have to do to impress you - destroy the universe as well as create it? Would it be sufficient for me merely to destroy the icons of fashion?
Alas, I am not in the mood for destruction at this moment. Let me, instead of tearing down, re-establish a foundation for fashion within your mind.
Bellbottoms, it just so happens, are divinely inspired. I inspired them myself.
The idea of unnecessary space around the ankles, moving in contradictory direction from the rest of the body as it walks, was something that I originally planned to do with hair. When I created the first two human beings, I intended for the leg below the knee to be covered in long hair going down just to the top of the foot, as bellbottom trousers do now.
Wouldn’t you know it, I forgot about it. Oh, I am all-knowing, but knowing and remembering are not quite the same thing. As God, I know everything, but at any given moment there is a very large number of things that I cannot recall.
So, when I created the first man and the first woman, I left the long leg hair back at the shop, and only had a few scraps with me to work with. I told the woman all about my original plans, and she was quite ashamed about the mistake, which is why, to this day, so many women choose to shave their legs.
- God