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God Offers Advice On Old Bellbottoms and the Poor

Dear God,

I need your help with a matter concerning the ethics of fashion.

For much of the last decade, flared pants and bellbottoms were considered high fashion. Now, they’re out of fashion, and pants with tapered ankles are in. So, I’ve got a lot of pants now with unfashionable flappy ankles. I want to get rid of them, so as not to be wasteful, and so I’m considering donating them to a non-profit that will redistribute my bellbottoms to those who are too poor to buy their own pants.

I’m concerned, though, that wearing bellbottoms years after they were in style could stigmatize the poor, and perpetuate the cycle of poverty. What’s the right thing to do?

- Danata

Danata,

Keep the bellbottoms for yourself as an investment, storing them in your attic until they’re fashionable again. Then, to help the poor, find an organization that provides trendy clothes to poor people, to help their self-esteem. In Los Angeles, there’s a group called Poor Couture. Good luck.

- God

2 Responses to “God Offers Advice On Old Bellbottoms and the Poor”

  • 14727. Crystal 6 January 2007 at 11:47 pm

    Dear God,

    What is your opinion on the Harry Potter series? It has really encouraged reading in children, but it encourages witchcraft. Thanks!

    -Crystal

  • 14790. Christopher "G" Garlington 8 January 2007 at 1:01 am

    God;

    I can’t believe you’re giving advice on bellbottoms! After that whole “creafting” phase you went through where you cut off those Grateful Dead vintage bellbottoms to make your emergency rain gear pop up denim hats. Come on, man! Bell bottoms only look good in old Beatles videos or on Elton John. And I mean 1976 Elton, not “just float me over to the deli counter” Elton.

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