Advice From God

Dear God,

Leviticus 5, verse 2 speaks to us, “If a soul touch any unclean thing, whether it be a carcass of an unclean beast, or a carcass of unclean cattle, or the carcass of unclean creeping things, and if it be hidden from him; he also shall be unclean, and guilty.”

What is the meaning of this Bible verse for modern life?

- Louis

Louis,

There are three very important things you need to remember about this teaching of mine. I’m very specific about what makes you unclean and guilty, so pay attention.

First, if you touch any of these unclean things, so long as it is not hidden from you that you’ve touched it, it’s totally fine. You’re still clean and innocent. Go ahead and touch the rotting carcasses of unclean animals. Just look at the carcasses while you’re doing it.
Second, the only problem happens if your soul does the touching, if you know what I mean. No love affairs with rotting dead unclean animals, unless you look first.

Third, I encourage you to go out and get personal with creeping things. Just follow the rules above, and make sure the creeping things are clean first. Ask them to bathe before you roll around together. It’s a good way to get familiar before you get carnal. Cool? Oh, if these animals are already dead, then don’t bother asking them. Just hose them down.

A good modern technique for making sure your dead creeping animal love object won’t make you guilty in my eyes is to spray it with Lysol. Otherwise, the standards of the ancient world related to this Bible verse were pretty much the same as for the modern world. Family values are family values, yesterday, today and tomorrow!

- God