Dear God,

I’ve been thinking about going into merchandising. It seems to me that a website that sells Christian-themed merchandise is a great way to make money. Since I’m not Christian, would it be wrong for me to do that? Also, would I be risking my own immortal soul by selling merchandise that could cause true-believers to worship false idols?

Thank you!

-Cameron

Cameron,

Since you are not a Christian, everything you do would be wrong! Haven’t you ever heard of the lake of fire? No? Well, have you heard about the pond of newts? How about the creek of old raisins?

Oh, how many punishments I have for non-Christians! No one could count them but me. If you were to offer try to sell Christian merchandise as a non-Christian, I would punish you eternally after your death by casting you into a tidepool of little styrofoam balls, which, covered with static electricity, you would never be able to get out of your hair.

The wages of sin are death, then little bits of styrofoam!

- God

This entry was posted on Tuesday, November 21st, 2006 at 10:06 am and is filed under All God's Advice, Ethics. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.