Advice From God

Dear God,

Christ did not think killing people and brain washing them was the right way to change the world around him, Lenin did. Christ did not see God as a product of “The Man” meant to suppress those weaker but as a Father-Creator.

Lenin wore red, Christ most likely wore brown.

Lenin wore shoes, Christ wore sandals.

-Chase

Dear Chase,

Is that a question? Or are you trying to tell Me what’s what?

I beg your pardon (and I’m cutting you a heck of a break beggin your pardon, let me tell you) but I most certainly DO think that killing and brain washing people is the way to go.

I’m omnipotent. People die. Do the math.

I demand faith, or else. I could give you proof of my existence, but I don’t. But you better believe in me. Now, that’s not brainwashing, and the reason it’s not brainwashing is because I say it’s not brainwashing. You don’t think it’s brainwashing, do you?

Think about it for a while.

Now stop! Believe in me on blind faith!
Now think about it again.
Stop!
Think!
Have faith!
Red light!
Green light!
Red light!
A hah! Caught you! You’re still doubting me. You’re in trouble, buddy.
I love that game.

-God

Dear God,

I recently looked at a web site where the writer suggests that Communist leader Lenin and Jesus are pretty much the same. The writer says that both of them were anti-family, anti-money, anti-private property revolutionaries.

Surely I’m missing something. Jesus was the first Christian. Lenin was an international Communist leader. How can the two be the same?

Help me out with this, God. How are Jesus and Lenin different?

- Comrade Carl

Carl,

The answer is obvious. As everyone knows, Jesus was not bald, and he had a longer beard than Lenin.
That’s the superficial difference, of course. More important is the fact that Lenin wore pants. Jesus did not wear pants.

Also, Jesus never rode on a train.

I hope that clears things up for you.

- God