Dear God,

I’m confused. Senator Joseph Lieberman has been one of your most loyal servants in the American government. Lieberman has worked to make sure that Americans have “freedom of religion, not freedom from religion.” He’s supported George W. Bush’s faith-based intiatives to mix religion into government services. He’s gotten righteously preachy about video games for you.

But now, now God, you’ve let Joseph Lieberman lose to Ned Lamont. Why?

- Miffed Melissa

Melissa,

Haven’t you noticed that this is my M.O.? I really like to make my supporters suffer. There was Jesus, for example, whom I got up on a crucifix, and then forsake. I literally left him hanging. Moses, I led around in the desert after taking him away from his cushy job. Speaking of job, Job, I messed around with him something rotten.

People like to say “God is love”. I say that those people don’t know Jack. Have they talked to me? If you follow me, I’m going to make you suffer. I am like a cosmic bad boyfriend. Lieberman’s just the latest to get screwed.

Sorry, I know I’m supposed to offer you sentiments that would fit on a postcard showing a shaft of light coming through the clouds, but that’s just a fantasy. We’re talking reality here. My followers all end up in the gutter, eventually.

- God

This entry was posted on Wednesday, August 9th, 2006 at 2:21 pm and is filed under All God's Advice, God's Followers, In the News. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.