Who’s Side Are You On, God?
Monday, July 31st, 2006Dear God,
I keep hearing President Bush talk about how God is on America’s side in the War on Terror. But then I seem to remember Osama bin Laden saying how God is on his side. Israel, Hezbollah, Iran, heck everybody who kills someone says You are on their side. Dear Lord, I know You can’t be on everybody’s side at once. So, really, who’s side are You on?
Mack
Dear Mack,
The Americans are my chosen people. I am on their side. That is why the War on Terror exists. It is my gift to America.
Not much of a gift, you say? Wish America weren’t at war, you say?
Honestly, Mack. I know what you’re thinking. I always do. Save the B.S. for the liberal cocktail parties, OK?
You love the War on Terror, Mack! Remember that dark decade before 2001 when America’s only enemy was some two-bit warlord in Mogadishu? Remember how you missed wanting to kill all the Russians? Well, that longing is gone. You have an enemy once again! Praise Me!
Now, you could have just kicked back, read some theology, cherished peace, bought an electric car, and spent more time adoring Me. Wouldn’t that have been enough for you?
I’m just kidding Mack. It’s not like I want you to be a wuss or anything. Relax. Enjoy the War on Terror. America kicks ass again, with Me on its side. Glory, glory!