Dear God,

Over the last two years, I’ve been hearing and seeing some very disturbing things about torture. Those pictures from Abu Ghraib just turned my stomach, and apparently there is a woldwide network of American “black site” prisons nobody knows anything about. I shudder to think what might happen behind those walls. Now I hear that the new Iraqi government that two thousand Americans died to establish has its own network of secret torture prisons, organized with the help of Iranian agents. As an American citizen, I feel a terrible sense of responsibility for these barbaric acts carried out by my government in my name. Sometimes I feel like we’re sliding back into the Dark Ages, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. What can I do?

-Terry

Terry,

Ah, the good old days. Don’t tell me you’ve got something against the Dark Ages–Christianity dominated Europe, and it was a good thing.

Come on, Terry. Major retail chains this very minute are wishing people “Happy Holidays,” for My sake! And you’re hung up on this torture business?

Seriously, torture? There’s no torture going on. What you’ve got at Abu Ghraib is a few bad apples on the night shift, doing fraternity hazing types of things. Other than that, what we’re talking about are innovative and unique ways of extracting information, unorthodox interrogation techniques, setting the conditions for successful debriefings.

If I hadn’t meant for you to passively accept unthinkably horrible behavior on the part of your own government, I wouldn’t have granted politicians and their lawyers the gift of the misleading euphemism, now, would I?

Besides, the End Times are coming. There’s nothing you can do but sit back, slap on some SPF 2000, and watch Ragnarok roll.

Cheers.

-God

This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 14th, 2005 at 11:19 pm and is filed under All God's Advice. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.